Believing in yourself and making your decisions

There comes a point in time when everyone feels defeated.

It's hard to believe in yourself when everyone else keeps putting you down and questioning your choices.

And then the reflection commences...

Were the choices your own or were they led to you by varying factors?

Just placed in front of you conveniently, which makes it easier. Or perhaps they were placed on your shoulders like shoulder pads that can't be removed. Most of the time it's a combination of both. 

Then the epiphany hits you.

Time to start making your own damned decisions!

It's going to be a battle, definitely. More epic than any fantasy sequence you've ever encountered before.

There will people who will still put you down, who won't understand why you're doing the things that you are doing. Block those people out. Don't linger on negativity.

There will be people who support you, who will lend you whatever resources and strengths that they can. Thank them and channel their positive spirit to help you get to where you want to go.

All this leads to one thing...

Learning from the past and knowing when to believe and trust yourself to make the right decision... Not for anyone else but for you.

What my first job has taught me

So for over the past month or so, I joined many other individuals who are part of the elite working force. It was not a role that I was quite familiar with but being the person that I am, I believe in trying it out and giving things a chance to see if it would be a good fit or not.

As it turns out, it wasn't. The first few weeks were fine but as I slowly began to delve even deeper into it, I had an epiphany.

"I don't quite like this job."

It wasn't the workplace or anything like that but it was the lack of passion that I had for the actual work that I found to be troubling. My colleagues were passionate and enthused about the work they were doing. You could tell by the hours of effort they put in and the dedication in their eyes. I clearly lacked that.

I wondered if this was because of my lack of being able to adapt to the environment or something but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became.

This isn't what I want to do for a living... 

Then I had to ask myself, "What is IT that you want to do for a living exactly Tasha?"

Instinctively, right away both my heart and brain told me the same thing...

I want to write!

At that is what I shall do, I shall write. I cannot imagine myself doing anything else but this and if this is the dream that I want, who says that I can't do it now? 

We all know that the arrival of death is never a scheduled thing. We also know that time is something that needs to be utilized as best as possible. Yet, many of us are frightened to make that commitment to ourselves to go for what we want.

I'm afraid too. Of all the things that could go horribly wrong. Of all the consequences of my current actions and the actions yet to come. Then I think about the things that could go positively right. And it feels better.

I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I have a plan of sorts and I'm gonna work towards it properly but hey, things never really go according to plan do they? 

Whatever it is that you wanna do in life, love it. 

Love,

Geek with a pencil.

Awkward much?

Okay, so most of you are looking at that title and thinking,"Wait, awkward? She's hardly awkward!" or something along those lines... most likely. Or you could just be nodding and going,"Yeap, totally saw it!". Well, whatever your response is, this is the truth. I am indeed awkward. I don't know about you guys but being awkward feels somewhat normal most days. A contradiction? Most definitely.

You may see me as a somewhat regular functioning human being but I'm just as awkward as that 13 year old teenager that I was a couple of years back. I'm just a lot better at hiding it and perhaps pretending that I'm someone else. Fake it till you make it, right?

One of the things I still struggle with to this day is making a phone call. I love texting for this reason alone. I don't have to call! *pumps fist into air* Even when it's just calling a friend or family member, I still stumble over my words on the phone. And I tend to over chatter quite a bit to cover up for how nervous I am. Formal type phone calls are the worst. I have to write down what I want to say so I don't just end up silent the whole time. It usually ends up being an awkward experience anyway.

The point here being that we all have a little bit of awkwardness to us and that instead of looking down on it, we should embrace it. It's some part of who we are and if we can't accept all of ourselves, well, then we aren't really whole... Being awkward has its advantages after all. So below is a short list of the benefits of being awkward (in no particular order).

1) Awkward people have adorable mascots. Penguins and turtles anyone?

2) People aren't threatened by you. *swoops in and takes cookie*

3) If nothing else, someone out there will find you bloody endearing.

4) Your clumsiness is now part of a set. Boo ya!

5) The people you most probably definitely hate will stay away from you.

So... yeah... that's it. *Awkwardly runs off*

Love,
Geek with a pencil.

P.s. So just how awkward are you? You should leave a comment. Or not. I guess.

Like a Poem

My Little Pony, My Little...

Awkward Penguin

Nyan

         Nyan

                   Nyan

And the Philosoraptor eats him as he ponders.

Y U NO

Ermahgerd?

Ain't nobody got time for that!

Well, what can you do Pedobear?

Haters gonna hate.

I guess we should all put our first world problems aside 

And pull a duck face

Your argument is invalid

One does not simply

Slender Man

Challenge accepted.

Passion versus profit?

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop by Gerry Roberts (Author of Millionaire Mindset). He was very interesting and entertaining and although I don't entirely agree with some of the things he says, he makes some very solid points and I got some really interesting things to ponder from it. 

Now the particular workshop that I attended was called "How to write a book and grow rich". Being a 'writer' type person this concept got me curious as well as worried in some ways, my inner book geek was already signaling my brain with a red flag... Can you really write a book and get money from it?

You can apparently. If you write, a profit book. A profit book is that book that is clearly marketed and has a particular goal in mind. You write that book and you sell it to your target market. And the people you sell it to won't necessarily even read it. Spelling mistakes and English don't really matter as much (insert shocked look) . Your book becomes the marketing tool for yourself and you use it to sell or whatever your purpose is.

This is very different from a passion book. A passion book is the book you want to write that may not sell all that well. That collection of poems, that young adult novel... Things that mean more to you but you're not exactly sure if you'll live like JK Rowling from the sales.

It's a bit like life though isn't it? You either get the job that is only half or maybe not even what you want to do and make money from it or you do something that makes you happy but possibly only gives you just a bit of that financial stability...

And this is where I ask myself, do I want to sell out or not? 

This picture by Dallas Clayton (who is an incredible children's book author as well as an awesome person!), basically reinforced my feelings and is now my new mantra. I think you probably know the answer on where I stand on the debate of passion versus profit. 



Do you know yours?

Love,
Geek with a pencil.

Just another humble man...

Most of my childhood was basically spent living in the comfort of my grandparent's house. We only moved into our own place as I entered the college phase of my life. Because of these circumstances, I grew up being surrounded by not only one but two very positive male role models in my life. My wonderful dad and the man who I would like to dedicate this piece to, my dear grandfather... My Atuk.

There a lot of things that one can admire about him. He's a retired Air Force man and I guess it's something that he carries with him even till today. From his mannerisms to his disciplined nature, it is evident in his character. Sad to say none of us grandchildren inherited this from him but I'd like to think that seeing this constant side of him in the house has instilled in all of us a sense of honour and belief in our own capabilities. Something that we can hold onto even when the world is against us...

He also has a funny side to him. Always making jokes and poking fun at all of us and even himself. I'm sure many of his close friends would be able to attest to how much of a joker he can be. Sometimes, when I'm visiting him and in the house, I'll find the odd joke book or two next to his bedside table. His laughter is a hearty one that can fill up a room with a sense of warmth.

Unknowingly as I grow up into adulthood, I keep learning a lot of things from Atuk. His relationship with my grandmother or Nanny, as I affectionately call her, is one thing that I learn from. They've spent almost 51 years being married and as far as I can tell, they still have a very youthful love. They still tease each other like teenagers and the look in their eyes is clear... It's the sort of the love that anyone would be lucky to have and it's from watching them that I have learned to recognise my own true love.

There are a lot of things that I could say about my Atuk but I'll stop here and finish with this poem.

Just another humble man

Another deafening boom comes alive

From the ol' grandfather clock

Loud and steady

Like a human heart

At his beloved desk, the humble man sits

He sips, he writes

He guffaws

His forehead touches the sejadah

Spirit soaring

He smiles

The day has come and gone

Tick

       Tock

               Tick

                      No Talk

The night is peaceful.

Happy Birthday Atuk! Your family loves you.

Love,

Your eldest granddaughter.

5 things that everyone should probably know...

So for a while, there was a bit of a trend going around. People would be sharing thought catalog lists and buzzfeed videos of things mainly concerning souls like me who are currently dealing with our epic battle against the quarter life crisis. I found it amusing how most of the advice given was pretty basic and figured that I'd try my hand at writing such a thing. I mean, a majority of the stuff said can basically be applied to people of all ages but hey, here's my take on it.

5 things that everyone should probably know (but people tend to forget)

1) Be yourself

It is crazy how easy it is to just forget something as simple as this. We tell this to children all the time but at some point, as we grow and become adults, we forget to do this too. The world becomes a harsh and scary place as you learn to adapt to the changes that come chasing after you. It is easy to become jaded and become someone 'fake' but by doing so, you lose the essence of what makes you stand out as a human being. Your natural soul becomes a lost cause. Rediscover yourself and accept and always be who you are. It's never an easy thing but it's rewarding as hell.

2) Do what makes you happy (within reason)

I think one of everyone's biggest fear is getting stuck in a situation that makes them unhappy. How do you deal with it? Do what makes you happy! Whether it is finding the right job or getting involved in hobbies that help you grow, if it puts a smile on your face, do it! Of course, you can't just go doing EXACTLY what you want all the time. You have to be practical about certain things and you don't want to be causing trouble for others. But hey, if it's a reasonable sort of happiness, why not?

3) Everyone is different

People are generally very different in their own unique ways. The way I think is essentially different to the way you do. I have a different value system perhaps compared to the one that I used to have as a child. This comes from progress, exploration, experimentation... It comes from learning. Because everyone is different, you will connect better with certain people. You will have clashing opinions with others. Embrace those differences and gain a different perspective. Don't judge them. Understand them.

4) Trust your decisions

Whether you are a person who believes in the power of gut instinct or someone who uses their brain to work out logically what steps to take next, trust that whatever decision that you eventually end up making, it is the right one for you. There are so many outside forces that can interfere with the ability of a person to trust themselves (family obligation, self pity, etc) but there are particular moments in life where you have to know that a certain bowl of porridge is just right.

5) Words have a powerful effect

Words sometime have a way of taking a life of their own. The words we utter to someone can impact them greatly without us really meaning to. That is how bullying tends to happen. Throw a harmless comment here and there about a person's appearance, their lack of social skills... As much as we'd like to deny it. We, as humans, are sensitive creatures and because of that we tend to take things to heart. The point here being that watching your words can have a big impact on you and the people around you. Your words are a reflection of you. Choose them wisely.


I'm not sure if that made any sense or not but if nothing else, be happy and smile.

Love,
Geek with a pencil.